The last post caused this post

A painting before dawn.

It’s single digits in the morning
With a subtle hint of spring
And I’m shivering.
It’s as much from lack of sleep
As the breeze blown off the bay
Humidity-thick, crisp and cold
From just passed rain that wet the pavement.
Small splashes accent my footsteps
And the smells of spilt oils
Mix with the sea
And my car burning antifreeze.

God, yesterday was years ago
All mixed victory and defeat
Every triumph met with tears
And not what I’d expected
Three half-hours ago
Let alone two odd years.
Why does all anger come this easily
Now all joy, now all despair?
Now you’re held high and always right
Now upturned and always wrong
And always looking towards another then.

I think I’m waxing philosophical
As I’m waning on awake
Retracing roads by muscle
And lost in sleepless thoughts.
It seems at every crisscrossed street
Sleepy traffic lights are blinking
Causing cars to pause.
Too many other humans
Out too early or too late
Turning on to Tree streets
Turning off of mine

How did I come to stumble here
All weariness and wanderlust?
Directions scribbled on napkins
Or maps from memory?
It’s misplaced sleep or loss of blood
Or rules of love rewritten
It’s the tattered edges of days gone by
And dreams pushed farther on.
Inward, toward, upward, forward
With every spent second
The future’s slipping in to past.

No right on red at Pleasant.
Left arrow at the next light.
Right. Left. Stop. Driveway.
And no light on the back stairs.
I’m all fumbling and far too loud
Knocking tables, dropping keys
Dropping in to darkened dreams
And still wearing my shoes
A strained attempt to disentangle
A wet and single digit morning
From the fringes of a yesternight.

- Jn
(3/11/10-3/12/10)



What is it about prime numbers and music in odd timing signatures?

My students

Why do I care about my students and why do I run myself into the ground to do the absolute best I can by them? I have no idea.

1. Because it is my job and if a job is worth doing its worth using your whole ass.

2. In a very round about way, they pay me to teach them. It isn't their fault it is so round about and it also isn't their fault I am not paid enough.

3. I have absolutely no proof that anyone else in this university cares about them and dammit someone has to.

4. Some of them will end up being my friends post class

5. Some of them will even say Hi to me in the hall way

6. Some of them are brilliant even if they haven't figured it out yet and they will be amazing.

7. Some of them aren't cut out for this at least not yet but I know how to be gentler than I trust my colleagues to be.

8. Some of them are just dumb but honestly even if it is there fault that they are dumb (this means you stoner kid) they are still a human and they have certain rights as a human and those rights include not having me take all my anger out on them even if I want to

9. I am constantly learning

10. I am constantly being humbled

11. I am constantly being lifted up and told I am awesome

12. Because by whatever twist of fate they have been entrusted to me for a semester and I take real ownership on how they do

13. Because I am a student to and I know what it means to have someone like me as a teacher

14. Because I am trying to prepare myself for a future of doing this

15. Because I can't help myself, because I am me.

...class...

-Jn


16. For Sarah G who I forgot reads this on Facebook.

It's time

This is me. I am growing my own munitions this year. Today was maybe the first warm day in forever soooooooo no planting yet. But I will let you know.