Sunday, July 31, 2005

mmm Bandaids

There were no words last night. By the time I made it upstairs I couldnt even think in full sentences. But I am pleased to announce that the beat that plays in my head has come back. See there is this beat that plays in my head all the time and when I am on brain-saver mode it tends to come out in some manner. (I think it is a leftover from when Jeff usto play drums on my head in class but I have definately modified it since then) Except I realized down in Honduras that I could not procure it no matter how hard I tried. I lost my beat. I figured out then that it had been gone for some time too. Honestly it was like finding out one of your organs has been missing for several weeks. I was pretty torn up about it but you dont run around telling people that your beat is missing. They look at you funnier than normal and its disconcerting. But last night it just sorta came back at random like a lost puppy wandering home and it made me feel all docile and pleasant and I fell asleep tappin on my leg. I still had wicked bizarre dreams that included the Bubba trying to cut my hammock into pieces among other oddities and I was still all riled when I woke up.

But I went to church. And Father Lias is back. And all is well with the world. Church was everything it should be and everything I needed it to be. I think sometimes the stand sit sing pray kneel is like hitting a reset button, especially when you focus on making the words and actions mean what they are supposed to mean. Gets your priorities straight. And Fr Lias is so good at really digging into the points and meanings of scripture tying the old testament with the new and then with today and its like BANG yes I have seen this and I am seeing this now and I know I will see this. And you get a good mix of conviction and commission and congradulation plus a snippet of advice for someone else if you pay attention. And the benediction today was one of those really woof ones. I feel like I can save the world. . . and that I am supposed to.

So now I guess I am pissed but not viscious, and concerned but not anxious. I am still really figity but I can't really help that one (and I dont know of a do not figet comandment). I also got to see 4 and the good Dr. B (with son in tow) and KMac which was a complete surprise. Unfortunately she was really sick but I drove her home (she rode her bike to church) and put her in the care of the bf and she will survive because she can't help herself.

And I think I am going to get my nose pierced. But im not going to dye my hair blue. It all has to wait until after Peru anyways. For now I am going to finish packing which includes a trip to the amazing establishment known as walmart (gag me with a bloody bandaid) and maybe the fidgets will subside.


Saturday, July 30, 2005

This is my beautiful marsh at sunset. mmmm. . . marsh. Posted by Picasa

So it isn't really clear but let me tell you what it features: Pragmites in the backgound on the marsh, Japanese Knot weed in the mid ground, purple loosestrife in the very front middle and a few scattered shrubs and bushes that have a very invasive look about them though I dont know names. The thistle may or may not be invasive in this area but either way we dont want it.  Posted by Picasa

A hippy, a snow bird, and a yankees fan . . .

I am in a foul mood. That is to I guess justify anything that comes out of my fingers (my mouth has a pretty good filter when i turn it on) tonight. Mostly it is because I am tired. But I am also pissed off, and worried, and i have pre-trip fidgets too.

The pre-trip meeting. I left the house with enough time to be at least a half hour early. I ended up there an hour late just as she was finishing with the important information. Turns out I either wrote or read the directions wrong and either way I ended up on a road I was not supposed to ever see and by the time I got myself squared away I hit Hahtford traffic. Damn hahtford. Apparently parts of 84 were actually completely shut down as in all lanes of traffic were blocked. I missed the best parts of that at least. Damn traffic. Anyways they decided to go out to eat so I went with. About half the class came I should say. They are all raging alcoholics which I only say because I feel like that is what some of my friends would think. Very good people all of them from what I can tell. We will make fun of each other a lot and drink a lot and probly even do some research. (I mean to say they will drink a lot. I wont do any drinking. Never touch the stuff. You can't drink the water in Peru. Full of parasites.) I made it back without a problem which was reassuring. I am not completely incompetent when you let me out on my own. I just have no sense of direction during the day, and when I need to be someplace, and when I leave early in case I get lost, and when i want to make a good impression. Damn sense of direction. I guess it is the lack of one that is my problem. Damn lack. . . nevermind.

Friday was spent getting everything I possibly could set to rights before I left. I still have a lot to do but there is only so much you can fit into a friday. I fed the frog too. That is worth note because I say so. I like the frogs.

Today was saturday which meant hippies by the carload. There actually werent many of your standard hippies. But there was a yankees fan, and LLs mother, and daughter, a few real hippies and a bunch of really random other people, and a disenfranchised youth that i wanted to enfranchise right up her fat lazy ass. Lazy bitch. I dont care about these people and I am still working my ass off. What is your effing excuse. I will beat the living piss right out of you. . . ahem.

Working my ass off: I started off the day as a pack mule and I was given a brief stint as a snail and transfered to the goat division. I guess I ended the day as an eyore (how the hell do you spell his name anyways) so the world is a circle. I feel like one of the hippies is telling me my energy is good or something. damn hippies. I want to be a hippy and I am all for crunchy granola but not these ones. They ate all the meatballs. Hippies arent supposed to eat meatballs they are supposed to eat tofuck and let me eat LLs really good meatballs. They werent that good anways. Damn hippies.

Working my ass off. Me and Wendy (who i think is the most normal person I met today) started out by making a floor for a shed. It is about a 7x7 shed, maybe an 8x8 shed and we had to cover the bottom with stone, except of course it needed to be level with a chunk of cement which meant it had to be about 4 inches thick in most places. We moved at least 1 ton probly close to 2 and this is not an exageration. Then for my break I ended up starting to scrape the porch so we could stain it but someone showed up with a pressure washer so I ended up with clippers and no break. And boy did I clip. First I cleared the out by the road so i wouldnt get hit broadside by a damn masshole when i was trying to pull out of my driveway to go to class. Then i cleared out the other side cause it just looked stupid all lopsided. Then I went in to ask jill a question and found out that no one called me in for lunch and I was on the later end of getting food- not that I would have come in right away anyways cause I was in the zone man. Damn hippies. Then I started on the damn japanese knot weed that has taken over the backyard. I didnt know what it was at first. I almost cried when I found out. I will post a picture sometime of like 7 invasives in one shot. My poor marsh. My poor poor marsh. That shit is easy to clear out snip snip snip but it regrows like a banshee and itty bitty pieces of itself will make a whole new self. It doesnt even use seeds around here because it doesnt have to. And when I was too disheartend by that project I headed for the thistle patch and clipped as much as I could before the mosquitoes and greenheads got fierce. The only thing I like about greenheads is that they are big and dumb= easy to kill. Bastards. They hurt like nothing else. I have missing flesh chunks to prove it. I went in and took a shower and started on the heeps of dishes when they woke up.

But anyways we got heeps and piles and shitloads done today all around this place. God bless the hedge clippers and the pressure washer and the crockpot and the shovel and damn the paint sprayer to hell. I think LL is going to start a slow steady progression out to the back building now which is good cause after I leave she really only has 2 weeks before the lease says she is supposed to be out of here and our house is supposed to be ready. And anyways I have no ass anymore cause I worked it off. It is damn hard to stay in a chair.

Tomorrow I will make my way to church to patch my battered soul (I hope) and Monday the good Dr. B asked me to come help her work on a paper which is about the biggest honor anyone could smack me over the head with. Sometime in there I have to finish packing and put a few more ducks in a row before I can head south and it would be nice to see a few people one more time before I give myself away to the green hell. (they tell me that is what i rainforest is called- who knew) I doubt it will happen but I am getting pretty used to disapointment in that direction anyways.

I think I am going to try to compose a bit tonight because I need something to keep myself from tearing itself appart over the same stupid trains of thought. Damn the trains. but just the thought ones. They all spiral downhill to the same place anyways. And I am way to exhausted to fall asleep right away. It will be interesting anyways becuase I am way too fitfull to make nice neat verse. We will just have to see. And now if I can get my camera to work I will leave you with some pictures of my marsh.


(It is my damn marsh and no one can tell me otherwise. I chopped myself a hole through the evil weed and went for a walk on it today and it just all came back to me, the sights the smells the names of plants and creatures the crunch of a good think mat o grass. I wanted to lay down and hug it. . . sept it was wet. Really wet)

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

If the cat will let me type

I am not as giddy as I was when I got here nor does giddy describe my reaction to Peru currently. In all honesty it is too damn hot and humid up here to be even remotely giddy (or to compose anything other than dribbling gibberish). It takes too much energy to get excited which is so incredibly sad because deep down I am exploding into tiny little hyperactive Jenn pieces over how awsome life is but if I introspect enough to poke around I start to over heat and go into emergency shutdown mode. I spent the day hiding up in the penthouse where there is AC and a couch and internet and for some reason I am ashamed of that.

Tomorrow I have to run all over God's Good Creation and cross eyes and dot teas for the Peru excursion including a 2.5 hour (if by Gods grace I escape getting lost) trip to Connecticut. However, according to LL, it is supposed to be like 23 degrees cooler tomorrow so I think I will be able to handle myself with much Pomp and Vigor. Lets hope.

Speaking of LL, she is really turning out to be pretty spectacular and way more human that I imagined her to be. We have been talking a lot over cups of tea or long drives or just when we both happen to pass through the kitchen. Everything from fixing the closet to saving the saltmarsh to cool pottery stuff to random life events. And yeah she won big points cause she took me to the Whole Foods Market where she works sometimes and let me use her discount. That place is great cause its as big as a normal grocery store (instead of a small specialty section) so prices are normal but everything is organic or pesticide free or transfat free or whatever. (Yay grass milk and mangos and a woof loaf of bread) You dont have to read lables to see if it is bad/good for you. And of course she knows everyone which just made life that much more interesting. Very Crunchy Granola- Sign me up. To bad its wicked far away. Saturday she is having a big work day at the house and a bunch of her friends are coming to help do whatever. It runs the gammut from like walking the dog/cooking to rebuilding a bathroom. I cannot wait to see how unearthly weird the day will be because she knows some interesting characters.

I think that is all for the evening. 'The Cat' is insisting on some attention so I am either gonna tent to that or flee to my room. The storm cooled things down tonight so just maybe I can make some words line up. I wont push it. -Jn

Northern Shore Pepper Beetles

So yah know those beetles that were livin in the pepper up in the Penthouse? (I am pretty sure that only one person who reads this has any clue what I am talking about and that is also suspect) Well they are back. I just thought they all died last year cause they're little world got shaken one to many times. I was amused. Thats all I got. -Jn

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Play withyour words. . . Posted by Picasa

mmm. . . words.  Posted by Picasa

First poem of the house

Hey look at me. I can write in New England too!

Without Intention (7/26/05-Ipswich)

You opened your arms and I came to you
In that house back in the cove
Without intention
Or comprehension
And I was yours
More than you know

I thought I was alone without lonely
Until you pulled me in close
You looked at me
What did you see
I was yours then
More than I know

Monday, July 25, 2005

So my really long post, as promised. I suppose I will start with me because I am egocentric and this is after all MY blog. I am laying here on (my bed which is not actually mine though my sleeping bag is on it) in my room (which counts as mine because I pay for the use of it) typing on my computer (which is fully mine- paid for with a summer of hard work) that is not connected to the internet. When I get around to messing with the stupid modem I will actually online this for the masses cause I know a couple of them care.

The ride up in state by state format:

Penna was mostly dark and there were no cars on the beautiful highway and it was all for me. I felt vaguely poetic but as I was driving it was hard to wrestle the thoughts to paper and so they escaped me. Then the sun came up and I found some tunes on the radio and the world was a very good place to be.

I was all of the sudden in New York and I didn’t get to drop any more money into the PA economy. (They make me pay taxes in that state because I don’t leave enough money there when I am home for breaks) New York wouldn’t have been much except I stopped at a rest-station to use the rest-room and fell asleep. It wasn’t exactly like that. I called mom to let her know that I was in NY and alive and she talked for a while. . . I woke up cause I forgot to use the aforementioned rest-room and realized I had paralyzed my right arm. It had some crazy parking brake indentations and it was a pretty interesting color. I spent some time pulling out the pins and needles and went on my merry way. I remember skirting the city and paying to cross the bridge but maybe I remember wrong. I thought I would have some warning but. . .

I was in Connecticut. And I needed gas. Damn the way life works out. I might have made it through sept a little bit ahead of me a blue Astro van was dancing with a trailer truck and some other cars. 3 lanes of bumper to bumper 65 mph New England traffic slowed to sludge in seconds and the two breakdown lanes filled up with idiots trying to get by the mass. The only time any movement happened for a good half hour was when an ambulance or fire truck tried to get through and everyone had to move into theoretical spaces out of the way. There were lots of flashing lights. . . So I bought gas at the top ranked Sunoco in the great state of Con or so the perky little girl on the recording informed me. Apparently it was because of good regular customers like me. Well gee aren’t I swell. I bought the cheap flavor because it also happened to be the most expensive Sunoco in the state. Never buy gas in Connecticut. Pushing to the next state will be less work than the work hours you pour into your gas tank. I consequently found out that my car gets significantly lower gas mileage on ‘cheap’ New England gas. And I found a new set of roads that leads me around Hahtfahd which was spectacular. I have no problem driving in 65 mph B to B traffic on curvy city roads but well moderate traffic with the slow-goers pushing 80 gets you places a whole lot faster.

Connecticut practically pukes* you onto the MassPike. And that ladies and gentlemen is when I knew I was home. I got cut off twice in the first 5 minutes and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I wanted to flick them off and shout ‘I missed you!’ at the same time. All of the sudden I could forget I had turn signals, weave through traffic at breakneck speed and drop my R’s with a smile. And boy did I smile. I was driving my roads again and I could shut my eyes and the car would know where to go like a horse headed home sept this time we steered towards Ipswich. I got off at the wrong 1 north but I fixed that shockingly well and I definitely got lost in the center of Ipswich but only because I followed the printed directions and not what I remembered. The only other oops the whole trip was when I drove past the house.

All told it took me 12 hours including one nap/potty break and 2 chunks of stopped traffic (the second was on the mass pike but it was just people being Massholes** so it doesn’t really count for much. I was stuck in the mix too) and no I did not stop and eat anyplace. I had chips. . . and they were organic. . . and blue.

------ If you intend to finish this marathon of reading in one sitting more power to you, if you are getting eye strain call this chapter 2 and take a lil break. I won’t mind. --------

So the house then… It is amazing. I don’t remember it being so woof. I got about an hour just me and the dog and the cat to roam around falling in love with it again before my landlady (henceforth to be referred to as LL) came home. I claimed my room or it was selected for me, whichever you are more comfortable with. There was junk in the other available domicile so I crashed in here and decided a bit later that I did in fact like it better. So Lz gets stuck with the one that is bigger and gets the ocean and the morning sun and the bigger closet and the cool shelf thing. I get to flash the neighbors.

I have all of my stuff moved in and I know how everything is going to go after I return safe and sound from Peru and I am more than a little excited about this amazing house. And I can put bolts into the screen porch for my hammock and my Igs can stay in my room or wherever and there is a compost pile and we recycle (paper even- score!)

So today (7/24) I went to church for the first time in eons and I was late because I am just that awesome. (Curse Ipswich and my bad sense of direction) And it was amazing and well the feeling isn’t really the warm fuzzy cause that fades pretty quick it is like a deep gush of goodwill to everything that moves and its pretty hard to kill (Kinda like Jimmy Buffet in ‘God’s Own Drunk’ sept I definitely wasn’t drunk. We don’t get drunk. . . in church) And I got to see tons of HQ people after church including 4.

I made it home with no issues and spent good bit of time talking to LL about random things. She is an artsy-fartsy environmentalist but surprisingly down to earth if you can make those 2 compute. And I found some open space on the floor of my room which led me to my books.

I started reading text books for Peru- which may not sound exciting but do you know how many cool populations questions and weird ecological phenomena are hidden in that rainforest (and my text). I am all goosebumpy just thinking about it. (Why ARE there so many different types of trees in the rainforest?) I have decided that I NEED to see an anteater and a 3-toed sloth or I may just die. And I want to try cerviche except that will probly kill me too. It might just be worth it. Ha, there is this whole section in the back of the book about things that can do you serious harm and the author cautions to leave it alone or don’t pick it up and usually adds though I don’t think you will be tempted. But mom haven’t you always want a pit viper or a 5 foot boa or a poisonous centipede? How about a bullet ant, an urticating caterpillar or a bird eating tarantula? Honestly how can I NOT pick these things up? I am a very tactile person. I think that is why they stuck me in mammals. There aren’t too many of those that could kill me except for rabid dogs in the city and well, the jaguars. But it might be an honor to be killed by a jaguar and if they can find my body they can ship me-pieces out cause I have insurance.

I am so excited. You have NO idea. I can’t type anymore because I am too giddy. This is long enough anyways. But that’s ok because it needs to hold you over for at least a few days.

- Tabanid squisher :)
* I recounted being puked into MA today at church and received several comments on how accurate that description is. You have fun figuring out the anatomical details there.

** The other day me and my good buddies SM and Shuffdog were talking about what people from different states were called. (ie Pennsylvanians, Mainers) and we were running out of states and SM asked what they called people from Mass. Me and Shuff said Massholes at the same time. SM kinda chuckled awkwardly until we thought about it and confirmed that we have no clue what else you would call them. I still donno.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Um. . .

I am here or back or home or whatever in the Ipswich house now. Internet is kinda screwy so when I get a chance I am gonna post a good long blog for yuns guys but you will have to wait until at least tomorrow. And yes virginia there are Greenheads in my house. (Insert random stream of curses that some people dont like me to use) Thats all from this cowboy. . . girl- Jn

Friday, July 22, 2005

Mmm Dashboard

I am leaving my rolling PA hills (and humidity #&*!) for a pretty little salt marsh (and greenheads *$%) in MA. I get to spend the next 10 hours in my car. I love my car. I am gonna drive in the middle of the night. I love the middle of the night and I love driving. All I need is open road and open gas stations.

Contents of my CD player:

1. Paul Simon- Graceland
2. Counting Crows- Ghost Train
3. Train- Drops of Jupiter
4. Dexter Freebish- Leaving Town
5. Our Lady Peace- Somewhere Out There
6. Counting Crows- Have You Seen Me Lately? (acoustic)
7. Dave Matthews Band- Where Are You Going?
8. Jane's Addiction- Jane Says
9. Fuel- Bad Day
10. Matchbox 20- Push
11. Red Hot Chile Peppers- Scar Tissue
12. The Clarks- So You Can Sleep at Night
13. Rusted Root- Heaven
14. Live- Where Fishes Go
15. Bare Naked Ladies- Never is Enough
16. Sublime- What I got
17. The Grateful Dead- Truckin
18. Tom Petty- Free Falling*
19. Everclear- American Girl* (acoustic cover)

*Cause I can't seem to find the Tom Petty version of American Girl.


I just finally got everything packed up so I am not gonna leave now. I will just go to bed early and get up in the middle of the night (when i prefer to function anyways) and start then. SO. . . for now I get to waste time online filling the web with verbage.

10* Reasons why yesterday was stellar (in relatively sequential order)

1. Brent made me a cd (that i listened to on the way home which counted as yesterday)

2. I got my phone back except it wasnt worth fixing mine so I got a brandy new one for cheaper and just switched my chip over.

3. Wes was at the gun counter again. He was the guy I talked to last time I went in wondering about binoculars so it took a lot less time. Plus he didnt treat me like an idiot, he really knew what he was talking about, and he told good stories. To top it off he was reasonably good looking. In general it was a very pleasant trip to walmart for once and I bought milk at the gun counter.

4. I got to talk to Brotha T out in front of walmart about a Christian drug rehab program that they are trying to bring to Pittsburgh. It is a great idea and he was really excited about life which carries over when you talk to someone.

5. I bought binoculars. I wasted crazy amounts of time just lookin at stuff which is exactly what you do in lab sept I was OUTSIDE. I was hoping to find a 4-leaf clover with um cause that would be a great story, but it didnt work out for me.

6. 72 swallows on the telephone wire (some sing low, some sing higher) and more flying around everywhere. It was like a convention and it was kinda creepy with them all watching me. I counted them with my binoculars for practice. .:pats self on back:.

7. I washed my car and checked all the vital signs. I love my car.

8. I made BLTs for dinner with stuff from the garden and had left over bacon for breakfast today (bonus)

9. I found out that I like rum. . . but just a little rum. . . mixed with other things. . . like a lot of sprite.

*um thats all I have so I will carry one over from today to make an even 10.

10. Tyler called today from Iraq and we talked for forever. We are going to have a James Bond marathon for days (and he is going to make me chicken wings) when he gets a chance to come home on leave. Damn I miss that kid.


3 Things that make today icky (in decreasing order of ick)

1. It is humid enough to gag a donkey (dont think to hard about that) and it refuses to rain so the appliances are fighting back. Anything that is even remotely cooler than air temp is covered in water and drooling puddles all over the floor. There is a moat around our fridge.

2. It took me forever to pack so I cant leave til later.

3. I packed my hammock

Ten-cent word

I was gonna finish packing today and leave tomorrow but stuff happened. I was also gonna post some pictures but other stuff happened. And I thought about writing a couple of things but well there was stuff and it didnt work out. So due to the voluminous amount of stuff, I am going to bed. Tomorrow I will wade through stuff to clean up stuff and pack other stuff and sort stuff out but for the next several hours I honestly refuse to care about anything. Except how much I love my bed. Yay bed. -Jn

Something something blah

How many times have you been pushed around?
Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?

How many time have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?

How many time have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind

How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up, but we'll survive

How many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high?
Is everyone afraid?

How many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart?
Have they ever seen your pain?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up, but we'll survive

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, all her life
She gets high (2x)

Oh, Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up, but we'll survive
All messed up, but we'll survive

-Our Lady Peace, "life"

(See I dont just post counting crows)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Her name was McGill she called her self Lil and everyone knew her as Nancy

Oh my goodness. These past 2 days have been crazy and I have accomplished nothing to the end of getting myself packed up. But I have seen everyone I wanted to see this summer while I was home at least twice (which is a low number in my opinion) except Ryan cause I can't find him and Jandy who refuses to come back up and play with me.

I went out to the Lube two days ago with Stephen and Shuff dog. Shuff had never been. Crazy. Everyone should go at least once in their lifetime. It probly wont be the last time. It's just SOOO good. And I got wing sauce all over my nose. I think that is a good thing.

And then I was working hard and being all busy with my dressers and actually doing something and Nik called to say she was at Moraine with boyfriend Tim in tow. Well crap come on over so I can see you. She didnt make it to my house until like 9 but we had a crazy good time talking and playing pool and watching movies. It was so late they crashed at my house so we got to have another crazy time talking in the morning. And she got to see my dresser which I really wanted because I knew she would love it and would want to do it. Thats pretty much exactly what she said. "jenn I love this. I am gonna do it now." It makes me happy that we know each other so well. And they left so late that I had to leave with them to make it out to Brents

It is wicked easy to get to his house. I never even thought about getting lost. It was amazing. And we went out for pizza at the yuppie Pizza Hut which is just strange and went 4-wheeling and got to play on these crazy jumps and we stopped for a long time beside the crick and just watched the woods. We almost got crunched by a deer too and I met some of his friends which was cool. And we went swimmin in the river with the moon up way high and got to count the cars on the train (104 and 4 engines) which was weird and really cool. And then I came home and crashed right away cause I have been going non stop with people for a long time for me.

Now I have a today to get everything done that needs done before I leave. I dont think I will make it. I am gonna try anyways. I have picture to post later but that will be like a midnight break so dont wait up. - Lil

No sleep til Brooklyn

I have stories and picture and events and thoughts to share. I do not have sleep. Mmmmm sleep.

Monday, July 18, 2005

You put the happy littl spider picture by the happy little turtle so it wont be a lonely little turtle and then you add in a happy little frog in the middle where he fits best. (This is what it is gonna look like after I paint it right now its pretty worthless. ) Posted by Picasa

Happy little Drawers Posted by Picasa

Gooey Dresser 1 - The goo is the stuff that is gonna make all the pictures shiney and unperishable and it will eventually un-goo. Posted by Picasa

Gooey Dresser 2 Posted by Picasa

My personal Toby. *$&#^$!!!!!! Posted by Picasa

The not so baby ducks. Still 12. :) Posted by Picasa

Sunday, July 17, 2005

A turn of events

I sulked myself onto my hammock porch (No cigars for me thanks) and sat around watching life and it just sorta came. I feel so much better. It's a crazy good turn around. I even made myself an awsome dinner. Makes me happy all over just thinking about the past two hours. mmmm. . .

Not much to say - 7/17/05 Hammock Porch

A haunting song fills the air
As the wind tickles my bottle of beer
I dont know why it reminds me of you
But I'm glad that you're not here
Because then you could see the real me
I don't hide it so well these days
It seeps out through my tone of voice
And leaves etches on my face

I'm not saying that I miss you
Though I'm far away from home
And I'm not saying that I love you
Just that I don't do well alone

A storm is rolling in fast tonight
I can feel the thunder in my soul
Sometimes I flirt with lonely
But I'd never want you to know
So I imagine I see your headlights
Pulling in this dirt track
And your not saying that you missed me
Just that you want me back

So hold out your hand and I'll come to you
And I'll let you take me home
I'm not saying that I love you
Just that I dont want to be alone

Now I can face the world again. I can cook things and clean things and pack things and sand things and paint things. Its like a good long sigh.


I thought of two redeeming parts of today. 1. The baby ducks love me. 2. Mr. Bird found himself a woman, and she is busying herself with moving in. To his credit he has not stopped singing for 5 solid minutes since the moment she said yes which makes the porch a little noisier today.


I have been in a bad mood since, oh probly since I figured out I couldnt write more than 4 lines that went together. I had so much flowing off the finger tips and nothing worked out. Poetic impotence. Damn. The muse was there he just wouldn't stay on one topic- a babbling drunk. And really I cannot actually find words to describe what I am feeling, though Sullen is what I am acting and Damn is what I am thinking and Nothing is what I am doing.

And then there was the rabbit. Somewhere between realizing my inability to write and my refusal to accept it I went downstairs to find inspiration. I found a rabbit. I dont like rabbits. I never really have. And here he is with his cute little wiggly nose and invader in my house. How in the Hell did he make it into my house anyways. I am good and 'holding down the fort' (which i have decided is a ridiculous expression- before the bad mood). But there is this nagging thought that 1 the cat is going to eat the bunny which seems kind of cruel (not the actual eating of the rabbit cause that is natural, but pinning down a baby rabbit in a house is like feeding a deer corn and shooting it in the head) or 2 the rabbit will just die of starvation and the house will smell forever. Here I was brooding in my own problems and I have to save a baby bunny. I was pissed. Then of course the rabbit doesnt understand that I mean to save his miserable little life and he runs away. The damn thing has the gaul to run into mom's sewing room, which if you havent seen it looks like Joann Fabrics imploded (complete with a fishtank). I lost him. The stupid thing is gonna DIE in the sewing room and I cannot find him and I just felt, well, thwarted (thank you for re-adding that word to my vocabulary). I was gonna sic the cat on him but I remembered that I had already labeled that as 'cruel' and while I was feeling about as mean as ever I did not want to be 'cruel'. So I blocked the damn thing in the sewing room with some lettuce found my 'inspiration' and went back upstairs.

The muse had not sobered up. Rather the 'inspiration' focused me but the muse was snoring off the beer and would not be roused. I eventually fell asleep staring at the blackness of my ceiling.

My alarm that I forgot to shut off woke me up in the same foul mood as I went to bed and I located the rabbit in question shortly after I went down stairs and set him out in a patch of clover. (There was about a 5 minutes period while I watched him that I thought 'Just maybe I might like rabbits' but it faded pretty quick when I found one in the garden) The only problem is that I found him in the dining room and there was no way he was getting out of that sewing room without magical powers. So I may or may not have another rabbit running around in my house waiting to get eaten by the cat or starve to death. I dont know. It is very disconcerting. I also chose that moment of realization to stop caring and I went out to work on my dresser.

The RQ wanted a rabbit story posted and one must keep her happy to keep one's head. I don't think its the kind of story she wanted but there were no specifics to that end so this is all she gets. And you get to suffer through it- provided you read the whole thing.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Little bird- day 3

I didnt take any pictures today but I can report that he was showing his place off to a prospective. I don't know if she liked it or not but he is bringing in smaller pieces and grass now which is probly the equivalent of plasterboard or wallpaper.

In the field

So I started packing for Peru today and I am positively giddy. Not even really at the thought of the trip cause that hasn’t set in yet. It was more the act of pulling out my field gear and thinking ‘I get to use this soon!’ So what follows is a happy little list of 6 things (in semi-ascending order of giddiness quotient) that make me glad I am a field biologist.

6. Compass- you just feel cool using a compass
5. Field notebook- a happy little book with waterproof paper full of illegible to anyone but you scribbles
4. Waterproof pens- You can go into an artsy fartsy craft store and not feel awkward
3. Field Clothes- the most comfortable clothes I own, those t-shirts that you can’t quite retire yet
2. Waders and/or big rubber boots- I don’t know about you but I look HOT in waders
1. Flagging tape- come on who Doesn’t like flagging tape?

And as the good Dr. Boorse stated when we really over topped in the crick, ‘You know you are committed when your underwear gets involved.’

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Friday, July 15, 2005

This would be the little guy singing this afternoon. Check the progress. He will be painting by Sunday for sure. Posted by Picasa

Lycopersicum esculentum

When I was a kid I usta worry about being a biologist. It just sorta seemed to me that once you figured out all the technical stuff thats all the world would be. (Kinda like when Neo figures out how to mess with the matrix ) And then all the beauty in the world would be gone. I even read an essay on it once- how scientific people lose the ability to see the world.

I donno I guess I figured out I was wrong. Instead its like the deeper you dig the more cool stuff you find out and it doesnt really stop. And I always thought my world would get smaller and I would focus in so far that I lost sight of everything else. But its really like the opposite of that. Cause when you figure out some of the details about something then you have to look all around you and say "Hey I wonder if this works the same way over here?" and then you go figure it out. (Or get a research assistant to figure it out for you- I can't wait till I get my own research assistants) And really the world just gets bigger. Never a dull moment.

And hey the random food facts come up all the time at least in my life. Like today for instance after I fed the little duckies who are not so little anymore (squeak of happiness) I wandered over to the garden. I picked myself I red ripe tomato offa the vine and ate it just like that. It was still wet from the storm this morning and it was perfect. And then you get the tomatoey bush typa smell all around you and you can hear the thunder of another storm rolling in over the hills and is just like yeah this is what summer is. One of my favorite little kid memories is pickin tomatoes during the summer and eatin them before I ever made it outta the garden.

And as I was walking around the corner to check on the progress of builder-bird I thought to myself, yah know they usta call those wolf peaches and they usta think they were poisionous and the italians didnt even have them for making sauce until after they found south america Man that musta sucked. . . . .Then I came inside and wrote it all down. -Jn

This would be target practice. I specifically mean the vermin that was trying to get IN MY GARDEN but really any object in the picture would count depending on what you were thinking. Except of course the bird house in the lower left hand corner. I know what you are thinking- "that is a lamp post' right? But your wrong. It is really a wicked cool and well constructed birdhouse. And if you will step into my accidental speaking-to-a-small-child mode I will show you what I mean. . .  Posted by Picasa

The is the door of the Birdhouse and whoever built it even wired it with electricity. He/she was really looking out for the wellfare of the residents.  Posted by Picasa

And it is conveniently crafted so that you can see the progress as the birds build. See how much has happened just today? (too much illiteration- ick I sound like a 1st grade teacher) Posted by Picasa
These poor pictures were taken a few days ago but my camera batteries died and then the internet wouldnt work. The told me they didnt want to be by the birdhouse but I posted them anyway. So just pretend they are posted a few slots down and they will be happier pictures.

This will be a dresser. (If you are bored try to figure out how many critters you can identify. I have no clue how many there are) Posted by Picasa

And this is a blank canvas. Posted by Picasa

And this is me excited. No really I am honest.  Posted by Picasa

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Just like a little kid

Recent discovery worth noting: Cats don't like Bailey's. Not even Bailey's with a little milk thrown in. Though I will give Jazz (my cat) credit. He did at least try the mixture. Then he just gave me a dirty look and walked away. Oh well. -Jn

Rants on Toby

So I don't think I have posted this before but I am pretty sure everyone has seen it. Everyone should see it anyways. I only post this because I care. But its the sort of morbid curiosity type of care not the save the cute fuzzy bunny type of care. Honestly the site is great. Every time I go to it to check up on the furball I have a different reaction. The first time I was horrified and angry and wanted desperately to save the rabbit. The second time I was flirting with the idea that its all just a big joke- there isn't really a rabbit and even if there is they wouldn't eat it. And then I went back to look at what kinds of crap I could buy just because I wanted something random not because I care about saving Toby in earnest. Tonight I went back on a whim. The rabbit is supposed to be dead and I guess I was expecting pictures or something but I guess they got a book deal and you can preorder a book on Amazon and save the fuzzy thing from extinction. I don't know what they are putting the the book but hey why the hell not?

So tonight I was just marveling at the website as a study of people. Like the guys who made the site. I think they really do have a rabbit and one night they were sitting around drinking and someone thought it up. They were lucky enough to remember it the next day and poof Toby goes public. I think there really is a rabbit, they really did find him, and they don't actually care all that much about him, basically they will eat him. Why not? They will probly even take pictures of it but only post finished recipes and people will wonder for weeks if they really ate him or just made the stew with something else. I don't think they are bad or twisted or anything. They probly didn't think it would get this big and weren't really trying to trick people out of money but now they are on a roll so why not go with it. Typical college aged guys. I could see my friends doing it. I could see me doing it actually. (but not anymore cause I don't like to copy other peoples random ideas. It just sorta kills it)

Now look at all of the people who write in hate mails and send death threats. (They post the really good ones) Some people are mad about the extortion factor, some are mad about the rabbit death threats, some want the bunny to go to a good home some want it dead but everyone is so angry and bent out of shape. They get so angry that they use nasty words often enough to lose sense and most of the time they cant even spell. And you know they check in again and again just to get more pissed off. Its like a college prank with publicity. Honestly the more angry you get the more ridiculous you sound, the more press they get, and the more the general public enjoys the show- at your expense.

So take the people who send in money. Some are desperate and crazy and care enough about the rabbit to throw money at the guy. I don't really understand these people but I guess if you could use pay pal to donate you could just drop your 'spare change' into the save Toby dish like you do with the spinny coin droppers at the grocery store. Other people (like me if I actually had spare change) just want something random to wear around. I by shirts in the kiddy section of Salvo cause they make me laugh so why not buy one about a rabbit threat that gets national news coverage. That's right folks you have paid enough attention that NBC picked it up and ran a story on it. So go ahead, buy save Toby gear. The rabbit may just get another chance at life* and you get to strut around with pride because you are wearing controversy my friend. Who doesn't appreciate that. (and any donations of Toby gear you want to make to the Jenn is a starving college student fund I will gladly accept on her behalf.)

Still wondering why I care about this- Jn

*At the exact second I typed those words I thought of the real kicker. You heard it here first. That damn rabbit is gonna DIE before Thanksgiving (the new death date). He will just keel over and die of natural causes and no one will eat him and there will be sad gravesite pictures and everyone will be confused (and with slightly less money). End of story. Everyone goes home. That would be so depressing- like when some big game ends in a tie. . . . And it would probly serve everyone right too. Hmmm. . .

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Something from past midnight

Drunk and casting blame- 7-12-05

You never meant to hurt me but hell that wont change a thing
Yah know it just sorta happens when you take back a ring
I guess sometimes the pain just sinks in too damn deep
And those are the nights I try to cry 'til I can sleep
And yeah, sometimes I drink more than's advised
But how else can I crawl out from under your lies?
And sometimes it seems I place the blame square on you
But damn it, if you were me, wouldnt you blame you too?

This one wants honest inspection and dissection. And addition or subtraction or division if necessary. I think I like it but I am not sure. -Jn

Monday, July 11, 2005

For Earl I guess. . .

Death comes packaged in pink

Death comes packaged in pretty pink flowers and bows
Soft music piped overhead and hard chairs in rows
Tissues placed aptly and a guest book to sign
While well dressed patrons, voices low, stand in line
And the children gather to collect the regrets
As old men step outside for memories with cigarettes
But the man in the back with a grief-reddened face
Looks like he hasn't slept these three days
God think of Earl when he lays down to sleep
He's got a long lonely life now with no Betty to keep

07-11-05 My living room- with tears


Since someone I know seems to think it is ok to post about lunch I figured I would give it a whirl. Chalk this one down as a 'what I did today' post and if it bothers you quit reading.

So I decided it was time to make lunch not because I was hungry or because I looked at the clock but because I started getting shaky. (This is why I have friends- to remind me to eat regularly) So I peruse the kitchen even though I already know everything that is in there cause I cleaned it out yesterday. I suppose I should eat that left over half a can of soup even though it wasnt that good in the first place way too tomatoey. But then again those mashed potatoes are getting a little old and dry and crusty. In reality I didnt want to eat either but I felt guilty pitchin the whole bunch and I wasnt sure what I was gonna eat otherwise. I heated up the soup but while the microwaves were dancing on it I decided I wanted the potatoes instead so I popped those in. But then I changed my mind and sometime during the hemming and hawing in between the two I mixed them together. The result looked like something you end up with when you have a bad case of the flu and are on "bed rest with toast, soup, and lots of fluids" And I tried it anyways. Better than either of the 2 would have been alone (I think) and now I dont feel guilty tossing it and looking for something else to eat. It is a win-win situation all around and you even get a picture. -Jn

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This probly wont show up like I want it to but oh well. A honduran artist's rendition of the landing of Columbus since he is supposed to have landed somewhere around those parts. And because we were staying at the Chris Columbus Hotel- That may also have something to do with it. The Indians are quite docile and curious in appearance and the knights are wicked perky. The boats are also in slightly better shape than one would have imagined after a lengthy sea voyage.  Posted by Picasa

Termites. . . for no reason at all Posted by Picasa

Osito (Little bear) - Doesnt he look so cute and well behaved? Posted by Picasa

Who wouldnt want their own freedom ship when it comes down to it? Posted by Picasa

Mountains. 'nough said.  Posted by Picasa

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Murder of One -Counting Crows

Blue morning blue morning wrapped in strands of fist and bone
Curiosity, kitten,
Doesn’t have to mean you’re on your own
You can look outside your window
He doesn’t have to know
We can talk awhile, baby
We can take it nice and slow
All your life is such a shame, shame, shame
All your love is just a dream, dream, dream
Are you happy when you’re sleeping?
Does he keep you safe and warm?
Does he tell you when you’re sorry?
Does he tell you when you’re wrong?
I’ve been watching you for hours
It’s been years since we were born
We were perfect when we started
I’ve been wondering where we’ve gone
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow
Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there counting crows
One for sorrow two for joy
Three for girls and four for boys
Five for silver six for gold and
Seven for a secret never to be told
There’s a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you’d let me in
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
Open up your eyes
You can see the flames of your wasted life
You should be ashamed
You don’t want to waste your life
I walk along these hillsides in the summer ’neath the sunshine
I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change, change, change

You can get anything you want at Alice's Resturant

. . .excepting Alice.

This however is NOT Alice's resturant and you cannot get much here. But we do have pictures of Cheerwine in wierd places (without the mother unfortunately). Enjoy-Jn

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