Space

I have a place to live for 6 whole months…almost…and sort of…I can’t move in yet because its not done…but it will be…I hope.

Now I have to find the job that goes with the rent payments and the etc. that comes with actually living some place. That’s gonna be a bit tricky.

What I really want is a space that belongs to me. Kinda like the Ground Hog gets his own little old oak stump. I don’t have a place really…just bits of space in other people’s homes and bits of time when they might not be home. I never feel alone. I never get the type of rest that comes from sitting around in your favorite chair with a cup of tea or a beer with a worn out book or a notebook. It’s not the same when you are surrounded by other people’s comforts. Other people’s treasures don’t shine the same way. You can’t tell other people’s guests that they are ugly or ignorant and that they should leave because you are one too and maybe its better you step out.

I get weighed down by the fact that I am stuck living in places that don’t feel like home. I am tired of temporarily setting up shop and living out of suitcases, tired of lugging all of my food around in a laundry basket, tired of my car acting like a giant closet. I want a window to put plants in and I want a bed to put my quilt on. I want a closet for my stuff and a kitchen that I can keep my dishes and pans in. I want to be able to come home to silence…or to have people over or go out if I want. I am tired of being forced in to being social when I am not a social person by nature. The more stretched and stressed the harder it is for me to function like a person is expected to and the more often it seems to be required of me. I understand 5L a lot more lately. Space is precious.