Last year I tried to document the essence of the Twinkie. This year I convinced AK to be my guest photographer so that the rest of the world could have some of the Twinkie eating experience. I mean if you aren't me or Jenn you will never completely understand what eathing a 7 year old Twinkie really does to you but these pictures may help. I was telling people it was something like 5 or so years this year but I am off by 2. It really has been 7 years and that disturbs me more than eating the Twinkie. 2 years vanished from memory. Oh well. The pictures...
Before I started I showed the Twinkie to AK for verification purposes. It looked normal but it was really, really hard.
This is obviously before the first bite. Notice the expression- a healthy mix of excitement and concern. "I wonder what this year will bring...I hope I don't die."
Still excited and trying to figure out the best place to take the bite out of the 7 year old rock hard Twinkie.
The first bite. I think this picture is before the taste buds kicked in and its all about the texture. It was hard/stale and super crumbly. Very chalky.
Now I can taste it. But it's so dry that it's hard to chew and swallow. I think the taste is pretty much old high fructose corn syrup. Super saccharine-y and overpowering. This picture is my favorite because it is pretty much spot on for the whole experience.
Yes. Yes it really is that gross.
If you are keeping track over the years you will remember that the filling completely changed in color and texture and last year it was pretty much all absorbed into the 'cake' and dried out. However, this year I hit a patch of that while absorbed, was still chewy and still sort of white-ish.
Somehow I look normal while eating a 7 year old Twinkie???
Just a few more bites. I am sending proof of the experience out to the team of people praying for me in Rochester.
A close up of the star.
El fin. The wrapper with a view of the water from the 8th floor of the UMB library.
I urge you not to try this, not that anyone else is this crazy. The report from Jenn is that her Twinkie was dark (multi-grain?) but everything else is pretty similar in description. Cheers
-Jn
Yes. Yes it really is that gross.
If you are keeping track over the years you will remember that the filling completely changed in color and texture and last year it was pretty much all absorbed into the 'cake' and dried out. However, this year I hit a patch of that while absorbed, was still chewy and still sort of white-ish.
Somehow I look normal while eating a 7 year old Twinkie???
Just a few more bites. I am sending proof of the experience out to the team of people praying for me in Rochester.
A close up of the star.
El fin. The wrapper with a view of the water from the 8th floor of the UMB library.
2 comments:
I'm delighted that amidst the hate and anger and bloodshed, there is still time for you to unlock the secrets of an ancient twinkie. This is how we keep our humanity, our passion, our humor and our sanity.
While I did not take pictures of my self eating the nearly decade old Twinkie I am surprised (well maybe not that surprised) to see that our experiences were the same. And I've got to say after year 7 I am a little afraid that I will lose a tooth to year 10. All and all I must say there is no way a Twinkie has a shelf life of 10 years. Levi was so so very wrong.
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