Thursday, June 24, 2010

Kerry Kerry quite contrary

Kerry, Kerry quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With plump white grubs
Snails and slugs
And seed corn maggots in the bean rows

Marmota monax visits for snacks
While cabbage butterflies flutter past
And the click beetles click
And wireworms squirm
As the oriental beetles plan their attack.

No seriously kids, stay out of our $*(&#$ garden or I kill you. And I live happily ever after.
The End.









  • > 10 grubs per square foot? Apply grub-x liberally
  • Slugs and snails on all your plants? Weed EVERYTHING. Place any molusc you find into an empty Gatorade bottle with lid. Leave in the sun on a hot afternoon then THROW IT AWAY
  • Seed Corn Maggots stunting your beans and allowing them to be infected with some type of damping off fungus? Let everything dry out for 3 days. Helps if you can make it stop raining. This will also help with wire worms.
  • Find a click beetle? Cool. These are adult wire worms. If you can catch the fast little bastards stick them in a container. Shake it until they are upside down and watch them do their thing. When you get bored, squish them.
  • Catch a cabbage moth or an oriental beetle? Squish it. Or stick them in a jar with plaster of paris so they dry out and die. Then you can shove a pin through them and stick them in a box.
  • Think of it like shrunken heads as signs of victory in battle.
  • Got groundhogs? Praise the good Lord for sending you target practice...or that the neighbors lab got loose and dispatched it for you. Whatever.
Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well. Ecc. 11:6

-Jn

(By the way, none of those pictures are mine.)

2 comments:

your older brother said...

this has made my day. made it. thank you so much. :)

flipperswitch said...

I like your style of pest management. Organic gone postal.