Dream

I have no idea why I feel compelled to share this but yah get it anyways. I did not sleep very well last night at all. I had some interesting dreams and I know this because I woke up several times. I don't remember most of them but yah know that creepy feeling yah get when you wake up from a bad dream whether you remember it or not, yeah it chased me all day. So anyways the dream I woke up to, the pieces I remember anyways. See it featured most of you. Chances are good if you read this you were in it but most of the begining got real fuzzy so i cant remember specifics for most people. The end is pretty much all I can remember. See we were at my school but it was before they put in the new music room. I was talking to Ben about random stuff and we walked up to where the music room is now. It was still all open but no one was around and there were still lockers and tables and yeah still couches (those didnt last long cause my class couldnt be trusted with anything) anyways his sister was in a production of some sort like a dance recital or some kinda music and i really wanted to go. It was gonna happen for 3 nights but I was only gonna be able to the one that day and Ben was too. When there was a lull in the conversation i asked him when it was and he said oh she was on stage 8 minutes ago (he was that specific) and i asked him why he didnt say something and he said because we were talking. I was pissed and I wanted to hit him but instead I got up and headed in the direction of the hall and went through the door.

At this point I was in a death maze. (For those of you who dont know 1. in PCS we were obsessed with death mazes because they are in fact the only reason you will ever need calculus and 2. even before this my dreams have always been filled with death mazes and dinosaurs though thankfully rarely together) This did not shock me because I have been in several before and apparently I had been in this one before too. The only difference was this time I was with Katie and Lindsey. By the way this is a huge death maze, big enough that some people have stopped trying to get out and just live there. Apparently if you dont actually try to get out the danger level drops. We went through a crazy swamp straight into some frozen hilly terrain and I almost fell down the blue ice hole cause i didnt see it but i slipped and knocked the other two down so instead of going the high road we had to go the low road. I guess this is what I did before too cause everything was familiar. Now see there was a door marked shortcut and this is what I did before so i suggested we do it because hey its a shortcut and I have some sort of idea how i got through it before. So it is this big smooth concrete room with concrete doors and an electrical pannel in the inside at the bottom of this huge ramp. Now when the room realizes that there are people in it the doors go shut and the ceiling starts to come down. For some reason it hits the bottom of the ramp first where the electric is that you have to decode to get the walls to stop and the door open. Oh and just to keep things interesting it will also fill with water if you do the 'right' thing. so katie runs down to the pannel right away and starts messing with things and the roof starts to come down. Linds gets trapped outside in a bathroom. and i am in the middle confused as to whether i should help linds or katie when a side wall opens up. At this point katie is about to become pizza but i realize that we can meet back up through the doors but katie is too fixated with the wires and linds is freaking out because she is stuck in the bathroom. Not trapped just inconvienently stuck but freaking out cause she doesnt know what is going on and shes afraid shes gonna die too. So i am trying to calm her down while trying to get katie out and i remember something. If you flush the toilet- the water comes rushing in. Damn. So i yell at lindsey, "Whatever you do DO NOT flush the toilet and we will be fine" and run to go get katie. She didnt hear me. I was half way to katie when i heard the flush and the onrush of water.

At this point I woke up or rather my dad woke me up by pulling the covers off of my head because he was afraid i was gonna suffocate. I fell back to sleep but didnt finish the dream. I dreamed something else weird. I dont remember it. I think thats ok.


Other funnier news:

Quote from my dad on the way out: Wow those apples come back
Quote from my dad on the way back: One thing you can say about that little bastard, ol' george sure got around (in reference to George Washington and all the Washington trail signs all over God's good creation on this coast)


Thats all from this one for tonight. . .

Baby's first bath- first one I gave her anyways

Eat your heart out Ben. She is still my car!

a little ocean

Pondering- Thundering
Wandering- Wondering
And so I heed the call of the sea
For though not a drop fall
Nor will time stop all
For the likes of such as me
Life cannot go on
Nor a single day dawn
Without the great, dark sea




Unfortunately 'home' for the summer has not been blessed by the good Lord with an ocean. I will have to bide my time with a puddle in the back. Water is water right? Ha. . .


(Nothing new on the quest to aquire a new animal. I will keep you posted.)

Better in the daylight

Honestly I ask you, how can you possibly think that a baby alligator is not cute. He was only like 8 inches long. But in reality you cannot cuddle with an alligator and they do not stay that small. Horseplay with your alligator would be dangerous.

Sugar gliders now they are always cute and always cuddly. They like pockets and attention. They dont get big or ferocious either. You cant play around with them so much though or you might crunch them.

What I really should get is a puppy. Puppies are cute and cuddly when they are little and they need lots of attention but when they get older they need a little less. Right now I have lots of time for a puppy though. They are good companions too. And an play around with them more easily that alligators or sugar gliders. That and they arent illegal in MA. That is also a big plus. Yeah I should get a puppy. . . miss my puppy.

Well, it'd be sort of like shootin' a mocking bird, wouldn't it?

"I try to give 'em a reason, you see. It helps folks if they can latch onto some reason. When I come to town, which is seldom, if I weave a little and drink out of this sack, folks can say Dolphus Raymond's in the clitches of whiskey- that's why he lives the way he does."

"That ain't honest, Mr. Raymond making yourself out badder'n you are already-"

"It ain't honest but it's mightly helpful to folks. Secretly, Miss Finch, I'm not much of a drinker, but you see they could never, never understand that I live like I do because that's the way I want to live."

-------------------------------

In the spirit of the book I was just reading (which is all about learning about people, and solid Daddy advice as far as I am concerned). . . A bit of me.

When I was a kid, sometime after Jess and after I had some ability to process but before my mental timeline really kicked in, I was having a chat with my daddy. It was something along the lines of how I was better or stronger than some person and how great that made me as a person. I was puffing myself up as only little kinds can about something I didn't really know a thing about. My dad pretty swiftly replied with something along the lines of, "You are always be stronger than someone but there will always be someone stronger than you too." My little kid brain was spinning for some sort of witty remark but I was basically deflated. I went away pretty sullen but I never forgot it.

So tonight I have been running through memories in my head and connecting dots. It's like making me share with my sister. And like when the red-head (who I was madly in love with until that point and who was at least a foot taller than me) threw my shoe over the fence with the cows and Dad caught him and threw him over after it. Or when we got those bikes and played Santa on Christmas Eve. It's all about you remembering your proper place but then it's also about you helping others see theirs too. Giving the broken back some dignity, reminding the high and mighty how easy it is to break and giving second chances to those who ask (and something those who don't) because damn wouldn't you like it if someone did the same for you.

With that I am too tired to go to bed, and too tired to do otherwise. I bid you all goodnight.

Compost Contemplation

Why does the asparagus curl up? Did the groundhog move away? Why are bees always grumpy? What happened to Mr. Duck? Do turtles eat tadpoles? Will the rain ever actually come? Is there any chance for chickens? And how can I score peach pie without breaking up my aunt's hot date?

At least there will be compost. . . turn it frequently for best results.

A begining I suppose

To those who smile smuggly at the fact that I have conceded, let me reassure you that this is not for your benefit and you will probably not find what you are seeking here. This is instead more me emulating a rather unknown, unglorified hero of mine. Good luck seeking this source. With that the begining begins in earnest with a snippet of the past. . .

Shadows seep in the darkness
Of the quietly creeping night
A breeze bodes ill will and ill tempers
Those primed for contest in coming storm
Some step boldly but most sulk slowly by
In want of ale or a bite of brown bread only
Spies and strangers all
Come close to fire and candle now

In the morning ember emotions will fade
Desires dying down as torments and tempests subside
But for now shadows slip through
Languid and liquid they flow filling
In and around dark hearts
Burdened and barbaric in this night alone

(Jn- 3/29/05)