Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Time is spelled with 4 letters

So about that time I got busy and creativity started to stop. And I wrote bits and pieces but that was all and all I could find from everyone else. And I was going tonight to write and to complain about how creativity creates and without someone else's words to read there is no sense in writing or it becomes hard...I think I'm rambling. Lets try again.

The topic of the night was set to be how creativity breeds creativity. It would have been colored with my sadness in regards to the fact that most of my contemporary and more current sources of reading material had also dried up and I had had but little time to read much of anything extraneous over the past month. I was going to call on friends and neighbors to at least scribble once and a while. Also now that I have oodles of time to read* the fear is that I will lack the life experiences needed to spice the words in new ways.


The problem is this. Yunz all (or at least a collection of you) put down some words...some mighty good words and I was left tripping over mine and complaining about how now I would
have to write and my very topic had been snatched from me. So I wrote anyways. And it felt good. And I think I will write some more.

As an update that I feel is needed...The HHH has fragmented and my classmates have gone separate ways, to there families and their jobs and evenings not spent studying taxonomy. We learned a lot and it was hard and challenging and everything it is supposed to be according to the brochure and living together was no different. I think we might be better at the class than living together but we tried real hard so we at least get effort points. We had talks about all sorts of things ranging from alcohol to pissing contests to multidimensional words. These are good things. Today* I will be heading in a homewards direction to move a quantity of my stuff back in. Seems when one has moved out and stocked a house and then has to move in to a small 'room for rent' there is a lot of extra stuff that one does not need...like a ping pong table. If you hadn't gathered, I am moving from my HHH on the marsh to a bright yellow room with two windows and a well seasoned woman who lives downstairs. One of my officers actually lived there for a few years before he got married so I feel it was a good selection. It is much closer to the school with translates into more time spent on more valuable things like sleeping and folding socks...or that I can bike to work in the morning*. I can also stay indefinitely on the outside chance that I get a job in the area and as a bonus several of my friends live nearby. Again- Good things.

And finally the reason for all the *s... As JJ put it when he woke me up yesterday night* "Jesus, right now you are Fcked up 6 different ways" I am working overnights full time for the summer. I have been working on translating my sleep schedule and my body has adjusted fine. 2230 hrs is a splendid time to wake up. The problem is that my days get very confused. For instance, two days (Calendar dates) ago JJ woke me up and I came in to work, I worked yesterday in the morning, both the technical smack-your-smart-ass-kid-in-the-face morning and my morning, then I went home did some chores and was bored until JJ woke up. This was his morning but my late afternoon/evening. We ran some errands and he ate lunch. Had I eaten anything it would have been like an after dinner snack but I couldn't convince myself that I was hungry. I rolled in to bed between 1500 hrs and 1600 hrs and it was a late night for me. At that point JJ took a shower and went to work as it was late afternoon for him. I woke up at 2230 hrs in the morning and started getting ready for my day. JJ came home around 2300 hrs and started winding down to go to bed. So when I say I am leaving for home today...it is a calendar today and not my today. I will sleep before I leave so as far as I am concerned I am leaving tomorrow as soon as I wake up. All of this works fine on paper and seems relatively logical but when you try having a conversation using the relative time words like today, tomorrow, morning, night, and bed time, it all pretty much falls to pieces and my Kt becomes worried that I am not sleeping at all. Maybe those words aren't actually relative...maybe that is my whole problem. ::Shrug:: Enough of this.


When my words have gone away (RRC 6/14/06)

Sometime between now and then
The prose dried up
And the poetry trickled
And the soul became dry without words
The tears couldn’t fall
And shaking was all
There was to make of the
Whatever was wrong
Not even song seemed to touch
Or maybe it was that time
Had been snatched away by busy
Or perchance space with stuff
And alone with friends
All good things can turn in the end
And there were still no words
Dry sobs heard on humid nights
And they wonder why I’ve started to tick
Why I jump and bite and scream
It’s just that I have these feelings
It’s just that I have bad dreams
And with no words to wrap them
They stand to threaten
Ugly and naked and harsh
When I close my eyes
And when it gets dark
Because my words have gone away

-Jn

1 comment:

The Red Queen said...

I went to the quilt conference last weekend feeling creatively constipated- there I felt intimated and inspired and aha, others creativity has allowed mine to flow again. See you when I see you.