Ok yeah I guess it is time for something from me. The problem is that anything I write lately I just keep going back and fixin things. I can't make it all just right. So yeah you are reading something thats maybe not done yet
And true to my word I have changed it. If you didn't it before thats ok with me. If you did, well I like this one better.
In This Hour I Miss You
In this hour I miss you
As I watch the sun slip down
And I hold the thought for a moment
That maybe you'll come round
You loved me when the snow fell deep
And when the flowers grew
But in the summer heat they've wilted
And it seems your love has too
In this night I miss you
While the moon shines orange and low
I wonder if I called your name
Baby, would you know?
You loved me in the winter
And when the spring brought rain
But now the sun shines bold and bright
And you've moved on again
In this life I miss you
As the world spins to pass the time
There was a once when I was yours
I wish you still were mine
Jn- 6-9-05
I slip over the black in expert-tied boots chasing Daddy's red shirt into the darkness and see a whole new world.
About Me
And whether pigs have wings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And why the sea is boiling hot
Kings
Ceiling Wax
Ships
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Shoes
To talk of many things
The time has come the walrus said
The time has come the walrus said
7 comments:
There you go. I didn't expect to see something so quickly.
Best line:
There was a once when I was yours
Ed
Yeah thats my favorite part too. -Jn
I know, because we got that wavelength thang goin' on.
So...I was thinking, you can also change "It seems your love's grown old" to the much more descriptive "It seems your love's grown a mold".
Soon enough you'll be able to see these things for yourself. Til then, I've got your back.
Ed
Flows better now.
I see you weren't real keen on the "love mold" idea. A little later on tonight I plan on sending you a couple of other, better ideas that I had.
And ignore them when they come in too, if you want. I don't accept unsolicited "suggestions" particularly gracefully my ownself. So I'll understand.
Ed
I looked at your comments with an open mind, honest, but the problem is right now the poem is more or less closed it doesn’t matter who comes up with a good idea to fix it. See I have several stray ideas* running around and until I can tie them down on paper with some good strong words I will be unable to focus on fixing/changing other stuff for the best. Give it a week…or ten. –Jn
The current list topper for most time spent in my head is “I am not so lucky” generally followed by “As the girl who lived next door” or “As the girl from down the street” but not always.
No problem. I just enjoy the give and take. I can't change that anymore than you can change the whims you follow. And really, who cares?
Only thing is, you gotta share what you got. I'll post my stuff, good, bad or indifferent so you gotta do the same.
I think sometimes I worry too much about stepping on your toes. So let's clear that up now. Whatever you do, supposing it moves me in the first place, you'll get whatever I've got that plays on it. If you like it, cool. If you don't, then press the IGNORE button. Press it repeatedly if you vehemetly disagree.
Anything I post that you want to Jennergize a little...well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander (which is gender backwards, but you get my drift).
I think people whose minds go so fast and in so many different directions (like us perhaps) benefit from having a sounding board and/or a foil. I guess we'll see if that theory holds any water, huh.
BTW, you stay up pretty late, no? It was nearly 1 AM there when I logged off for a while. Then I come in and you've posted. What up with that??
Last point: I still think you should reconsider "It seems your love's grown a mold". Don't tell me you're fungi intolerant.
Ed
I am all for a sounding board. I am not apposed to mold and I have used it before in writing (Of course it was for school and the teacher didn't like mold much apparently but what does she know anyways) and I will probly use it again. I am actually a fan of that line but not in this poem.
As for posting late, I dont sleep well at home and I dont sleep much at school. I like to work 4-8 am shifts at work if I can swing it. If I could take midnight classes and get up mid-afternoon I would do it.
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