Monday, September 12, 2005

Apparently I stand on a box made of soap

This would be me at work. It is 0043 and so far nothing has happened. We would very much like to keep it that way.

I have been thinking a lot lately (though I don't know that that is actually a fair statement... I mean I guess you are pretty much thinking all the time just sometimes the thoughts are more profound and gut shaking than normal stare-at-the-talking-box-and-drool thoughts.) So it is the kind of thinking that keeps you awake and won't let you focus on a physics problem for longer than 30 seconds. As this is the case I had no problem picking up this extra random shift because hey I wouldnt be sleeping anyways right? Except I actually lined up a bunch of the tin cans and picked um off one by one today at close range to clear out some of the mental clutter. (You can't really recycle brain waves though I did look into it) So I actually fell asleep. I only know this because the alarm woke me up and now I am awake anyways just like I said I would be. At least I am getting paid to keep 'normal' college student hours right?

I have been thinking a lot but not writing a lot. I think the muse is kinda overloaded. Too much good writing material from life as I now know it (but always shifted 3 steps over, up, or backwards to not actually be incriminating) to digest into proper words and lines. When the gunpowder scent fades I think there will be some art found in the holey tin-cans though.

Today was a church day. 5L came with us and I think she will continue to. Saturday was her 5 birthday for becoming a Christian and we had a really good talk that night just about life and the goodness there-in mostly. (Yah know like the 'community' in closed spaces like bus terminals. And rule breakers like sketchy hyper-religious the world is going to hell sandwich board men) This concept deserves more post but not tonight.) The summer is over as far as church is concerned because the choir is back. It makes me happy, very happy. I was doin a little dance for the sake of the choir on the way to church when I remembered. There is this kid in choir with green hair. I feel like he much be a cool individual. For starters he is a highschool kid in the church choir, the only one according to 4, and then the afforementioned green hair. I didn't go meet him today because I was distracted by the eatable goldfish, but maybe next Sunday.

Church was so good (last Sunday too). It wasn't anything like finger pointing right at me like 'you screwed up' or 'do this now' but then that was kinda the point. It was the kind of thing where it was like yeah thats what being a Christian is about. So much goodness held there in. Last sunday was mostly from Ezekiel and talking about God's grace and mercy and forgiveness. (Something you don't think yah see often in the OT right? A merciful God?) Today was more of the same except it was Christians forgiving instead of God. The parable of the unmerciful servant, forgive 70x7 you know all that good stuff. (There are 2 tangents coming off of this just so you are forewarned to look for them both entertwined in each other.) It was just like yeah yah know thats why some people have such a problem with Christians is they don't see the forgiveness or hear about the grace, they just get fire comin down from above or up from below and see a lot of hypocrits and backbiting and infighting, sometimes with racism or sexism thrown in to boot. TC has this shirt, 'They will know we are Christians by our T-Shirts' and its really funny but sad at the same time. Its supposed to be 'by our love' both for each other and for other people. Instead it is witty or burn in hell bumper-sticker and walking billboard dialog that doesnt really go anyplace. The sub-culture doesn't need it and the greater-culture doesn't care for it. (So the 2 extremes come from 5L tonight cause shes actually the only person I have had a good long chat with recently, 5L was talking about the sketchy burn in hell sandwich board dude on the T and then later about how she went to a T-stop one really cold morning with a friend and handed out coffee and when people asked why they just said 'cause we think its time for Christians to do something practical to show the love of God'.) I mean I feel like this should be a no brainer -> you tell people about love and show them in a down to earth way and they will appriciate it 100 times more than telling them they are awful human beings. Even if it doesnt go anywhere you leave them with the flavor of, 'gee, aren't Christians nice people?' tingling on their palate instead of the bitter, 'Gawd arent those Christians obnoxious and judgemental' simmering on their minds. And the reality of it is that most people arent awful so it doesnt really work to grab their attention anyways. One of the hymns today said something to the affect of the church should be a place where sinners can find refuge and the weary can find rest. But I think the popular image in our culture is that the church is a place where sinners aren't wanted and you can only stay if you have your shit together. Dude everyone in every church everywhere is a sinner and I know very few people who actually have their shit together all the time. If they aren't letting you in because of that they I don't think its a good church for you anyways. Come play with me cause my church will love you (and feed you) and hey we have a good choir. If I ever end up embarassed because I am a Christian it will not be because of Christ or the message I carry but the other Christians running around and the way they carry their message.

Hmm...I didnt mean to go all soap box. I meant to be like my church is so wonderful and it makes me happy and I had such a great day because it started out church. And God is a God of grace and mercy so deep and full and forgiveness so big that I just cannot seem to wrap my head around it. That is what I meant to say. And that the funny meat/pepper roll up things were not a good taste adventure- I meant to say that too.

It is now 0324 and several things have happened in the interlude including me playing the monopoly trade game with some of my shifts. Maybe trading one for one maybe one for two. 102 is standing by on that one. I am waiting to see how today goes. Either way I dont have to work this Saturday and I don't think I have to work any more of them either. The other 0400-0800s got scarfed but I will survive. With my remaining half hour I think I am gonna try to tackle some of this online Physics nonsense they call homework nowadays.

Peace be with you- Jn

7 comments:

kilo said...

I like it when your on your "soap box"
Keep it up! You have a great insight for a student.
Kilo is off to load a train!

Ramblin' Ed said...

Couldn't agree more. Well, I suppose I could, but not gonna. Anyway while not exactly the way I feel, it is definately running completely parrallel to it. Let me gve you the short version.

I am a Christian. I think both in fact and fashion. I am a helping hand, shirt off my back kind of dude. But I really don't like church and only go occasionally, and only for reasons that, while good and honorable, I choose not disclose.

If you were 25 or 30 years older, extremely wealthy and did not really set high standards for your men, well then we might have us something then. As it is, though, I'll have to settle for you fast becoming one of my heros. Your duties as a hero? Not much, just let the old traveller live vicariously through you for a while.

The Red Queen said...

Ed, I think you are always gonna be outta luck there- she will be 25 or 30 years older and Im betting (and hoping)that she will be extremely wealthy (incase I am not) but she will always have high standards first for herself and then for her men.

Jn, I loved the lining em up and shooting em down analogy and smelling the gun powder later.

Ramblin' Ed said...

Just a sec, RQ. I only meant it as a humorous lead in to her being my hero. Think about it...You as my mother in law?

Coal Miner's Daughter said...

Yeah I didn't like where that was going at all either. Haha. - Jn

Dan said...

hey, you should read Under The Overpass by Mike Yankoski...it talks a lot about homeless people and the sucky church not doing its job. it is more than that and I suggest you read it. i have it if you would like to borrow...not like you have enough to do already.

Coal Miner's Daughter said...

Christmas break is a good time to read. Can I borrow it then? - Jn