Saturday, September 03, 2005

Chop Shop

Me I dont play that way
I throw myself away
I take my happiness now in nips and snatches
In between digging through ashes
From crisis
To crisis
But with goodness in between
And somewhere
Out there
I gave up on the dream

Has been upgraded to stand alone status. It needs a little tweaking and maybe a few extra lines but now that I can see it as its own entity properly it will be easier.


The girl who lives next door
--And--
I am not so lucky as the girl who lives next door

Are lines or ideas anyways that have been running around in my head since the middle of the summer. I keep trying to wrap them up in words properly but it never works. It is hard to clothe the girl next door. These two have been readmitted to the foster home of lines without a proper family. They remain hopeful.

A wilted four leaf clover
Pass me over
A horseshoe turned downside up
No I am not the one with luck


These two definately go together and I like them both very much. However, they are now orphaned and have been placed in the FHLWPF


She has her hand on perfection
Sweet masculine confection
Who dotes upon her always
In a million if not twenty ways
One man now-forever
The story book prince and lover
But who really knows whats in it for
That girl who lives next door.

And this is just unhappy and complicated. I wasnt really a fan of this construction much because most of the lines I actually liked were lost on the car ride home. I thought I fixed it but then I changed my mind. I wont get rid of it; I am just going to have to do some serious surgery to make it into something I enjoy again. It is currently in a state where I never would have showed it to anyone except that I already have because I thought it wasnt so naked when the other words were around it. It is still naked and it is unhappy with me.

-Jn

2 comments:

Ramblin' Ed said...

I still really like this. The phrasing is much better than I think you realize. Except I still really don't like the second line so much. Gives me the heebies. Must be my hang up:

She has her hand on perfection
Sweet masculine confection
Who dotes upon her always
In a million if not twenty ways

Occasionally you will see a date stamp on my stuff that'll say May 87/ Nov 98 or some such. Sometimes it has to percolate that long before it's ready to come out. Most times less, but how can you force these things?

Anyway, if it were me, I would hold on to all of this stuff and just pull it out occasionlly, re-read it, and mull it over. Then one day the direction will be there as if it had always been and will be so easy that you wonder why it took so long.

I suspect that, like myself, you have a brain that never slows down, even if it's just wrapping itself around minor stuff. That's the blessing and the curse of the thing, so patience on your part is a definate virtue. ou'll find yourself often, holding something really good but also not quite there.

Ed

Coal Miner's Daughter said...

I'm not killing it, just like you said putting it away for a while, a long while. And like I said that second line is meant for the heebies. And the biggest part of my problem is patience. I have lines circling my head round and round all the time and I cant focus on traffic lights so I try to get them out. And thats when I get disapointed. It doesnt help that this summer I was writing like crazy and life has forced me to slow down. Im all ancy and itchy to write but I dont have the time I need for quality in one sitting. I will quit complaining now but I know. You are right. -Jn