angst

Ok, I am not going to lie. I have not been in the greatest of moods for the past....yeah. Anyways. This isn't something that is going to change that drastically when I am manic again. (Thank you Eric for pointing out once more today how bipolar I really am)

Why the hell do we need so much stuff. Honest to god but it is like a requirement. I freaking need my car to get to school every day and to the grocery store etc. because everything is too far to walk/bike and there is no public transportation. Translation: I would be screwed without my car. Fine. I am not complaining about the car. I love my car and that is seriously the only yuppie tendency that I would cringe to leave behind. She is my baby and we have worked out most of our problems again. But why on earth do I NEED the stinking car? And most of my friends and family would freak out if the cell phone went away. Granted you can't really reach me unless I want to be reached but its still the best way to find me. And if I turned in my computer and didn't waste my time so much listening to my precious stolen music files. What on earth would this look like. I don't need these things or at least I don't want to need them.

I don't need a bed, I don't need a desk, I don't need a bajillion pens and pencils, I don't need the dresser I fixed all up. I don't need most of the clothes that fill it or the bits of jewelry and hair-ties and ribbons that clutter the top. I could survive perfectly well without any of these items. I have shelves full of books and notebooks. (I have a slight word addiction.) If you took all of the paper products I owned and burned them I would cry for ages...mostly because of my words lost forever. But I would not die and I would end up with new notebooks because sanity forces the words out of my head on to paper...or bark..or sand. I don't need paper.

Why do I have so much stuff?!??!!??! Better yet how did I get so much stuff?!?!?!?! And I am still so freaking attached to it. I am not gonna give you my dresser without good reason. I worked hard on it. But I mean I am not going to take it with me when I move to another part of the world. It's not that important. I would just leave it with a friend who could use it. I might reclaim it if I ever wandered back.

Can you see why I am so dead set on leaving this place. I want to start over again. I want to be able to look at what I have around me and say "what do I need." Fill my world with 'stuff' that is necessary in the true sense of the word. I am not opposed to cosas of beauty. I mean we need art. Otherwise we would be more like machines. But...

I know the truth though. I will find myself a little room or a little house and once I get settled and have all my needs squared away...the wants will start to fill in the empty space...cause for some unknown reason humans are afraid of empty space.

Silence is filled with music or the talking box or mindless chatter. A blank canvas is covered in color and this adorns an empty wall. Candles or incense fill a room with something different and mints break the monotony between meals if a snack isn't handy. (Common decency and several legal strictures dictate the covering of bare skin so we will just leave that sense alone for another time. We all I know I would rather be mostly nekkid all the time anyways) And well... if a room is empty... we fill it with stuff.

There is this room in the house that we call the empty room. When we first started in this house it had a lot of empty boxes in it that didn't really have a home yet. Then it got a few items of furniture and a mini-fridge. We still called it the empty room. Then it became the depository of both of my roommates stuff (I use a different room) where everything crashed when they finaly made it home after a long day and everything cleared from the table for a meal gets stuck in one corner or another. I am not judging this practice in this rant. I am just pointing out and asking why I guess. We still call it the empty room. It isn't even close to empty. It is the stuff room.

I am done now. I just...Can someone please explain to me... WHY STUFF?!?!?!?

(While you are at it 5l is also thinking in this genre.)