How is it that I started out this week so ahead and by Tuesday I am behind and tired and stressed. I got so much work done this weekend and it still wasnt enough. Next weekend I will get no work done...how will I survive. I mean ok its not the end of the world yet. Nothing has been late. But its all like right on time and I have an exam tomorrow that scares me and I can't remember my words.
That is what is really bugging me. I have words. Great ones and good ones and I don't know maybe even fantastic ones and they float into my head and I put them together and I am content. Then I either write them down as fast as I can or repeat them over and over till I think they will stick. Sept I have not had time to write any down properly. There are some scribbles on some random notebooks and homeworks but I may never find those again. And the ones I tried to remember until I got paper. Well they just wont stick in the stress-fest that is my mind right now. I've lost two actual poems since Friday. I fell asleep last night reaching for my notebook. Today I was with Steph! and the other Jn talking about how they arent fit for science or whatever. And I said if I wasnt doing things I would be... and I was told to shut up because of course I am doing this. This is where I fit. But then I said yeah but honestly if I wasnt doing this I would be following that other thought of living off the land someplace and writing poetry. Sometimes its just what I want to do yah know. I just want to write. And words are such fickle creatures that when you want to write you have to write but then its time to go ot class (like now) or do homework or go to a meeting or go to bed. Then the words get cranky and leave. Then I am a sad Jn.
Maybe this weekend up at Ossippee?